This weeks episode I like to think of as Episode 1 part 2… still setting up all the story lines for the rest of the season. I’ve been told, this is as slow as it’s gonna get!
Brandon Stark: We are in Bran’s dreams again and he’s hunting the three-eyed crow. I loved this scene so much because Robb and Jon Snow were in Bran’s dream with him, it’s so nice to see the Stark boys all together again. Bran misses his shot and his brothers laugh at him, the voice of Eddard Stark echos in the trees, “And which one of you was a marksman at 10?”. A boy appears to offer advice, “you can’t kill it because the raven is you”. Bran awakens to find he is still with Osha, Rickon, and Hodor, if you will remember last season, they are on their way to the wall to find Jon Snow. Osha doesn’t want to hear about the dream, superstitions and all. Later on, Bran is awoken by the mysterious boy from his dream. The boy, who’s name is Jojen Reed, is able to calm Summer from attacking him and reveals he has been searching for Bran. His sister Meera is with him and they all head out together. Jojen tells Bran that they are the same, they see things… they are wargs.
Robb Stark: We find the King in the North with his Queen (I shudder) Talisa who is teasing him, her mother always told her Westeros men were “grim bearded stinking barbarians”. Their childish flirting is interrupted by Roose Bolton, a raven has come. The news is that Catelyn’s father (who has some great scenes in Book 2 and apparently we are never going to see them) has passed away and Winterfell was burned down. There is no word of Bran and Rickon… or Theon. When we return to Robb, he’s being harassed by one of his men who thinks Robb lost the war the day he married Talisa. Touché Sir. Instead of keeping himself betrothed to Lord Frey’s daughter, he married this nobody… who I’m hoping runs into the same fire breathing dragon that I’m praying eats Ygritte. Lady Catelyn is looking pensive while making a dream catcher looking object to protect Bran and Rickon, wherever they may be. Talisa sits with her, though Catelyn doesn’t seem to want the company. Catelyn begins spinning some tale about one of the boys being ill and her sitting up all night praying for his recovery. No shock when she says it was Jon Snow (you knew that it had to be him when she didn’t say the name from the get-go). We all laugh together because Catelyn hates Jon, but she continues. She felt guilty for wishing death on the boy, so when he got sick, she promised the God’s she would be a mother to him and love him if he recovered. Still laughing because clearly he lived and CLEARLY she did not keep that promise. I didn’t believe this line of bull hooey and am waiting to see if its actually in the book or some derived tale to make us feel bad for her… cause I don’t… she’s evil to Jon. She does tell Talisa that she believes all this horror has come to her family because she couldn’t love a motherless child. Glad you know, you evil harpy.
Theon Greyjoy: He’s back, for those of you that thought a conk on the head last season meant the end of the traitorous Greyjoy. The audience is privy to this scene from Theon’s eyes… We/He have no idea where he is or who is holding him… or why for that matter. Some men begin interrogating him, asking why he took Winterfell. No matter what response Theon gives, they continue tear off his fingernails and drill screws into his feet. Once left alone, a boy removes the bag covering Theon’s head and says he was secretly sent by his sister, Yara, and will be back later on to help him escape.
Sansa Stark: Sansa is chatting with Shae about Littlefinger, who thinks he’s trying to get in her pants. Sansa, still naive (have you learned NOTHING girl?) doesn’t think he wants her in that way, he’s too old.. yes Sansa, WE know this… HE does not. Their chat is interrupted by a visit from Ser Loras, who is inviting Sansa to lunch with his sister and their grandmother. Sansa accepts and he escorts her. He doesn’t remember their first meeting (of course not, you’re a girl) but that doesn’t stop our naive Sansa from swooning over him. Sansa is introduced to Margaery and Lady Olenna (easily my new favorite character), they call her the Queen of Thorns. House Tyrell’s sigil is a golden rose, if you recall. She dismisses the departed Renly, which shocks Sansa and her overall demeanor is quite quick witted and sharp. “I’m much less boring than these others”, she says while demanding her cheese be served right this instant, because she’ll have it when she wants it, not when it’s to be served. One might think she was being tyrannous, but she was quite delightful and funny. Lady Olenna wants something from Sansa, of course you didn’t think they were just chatting with you for no reason did you? She wants to truth about Joffrey. Sansa does her usual, try not to say anything mean, but Margaery notes, she’s terrified. Finally, “He’s a monster” comes out. “That’s a pity” remarks Olenna almost as if she expected that to be the answer. I couldn’t decide if this was a smart move or not on Sansa’s part and if they are to be trusted… time will tell.
Joffrey Baratheon: Joff being the ever so sweet boy he always is… is harassing his tailor while his mother looks on. “NO FLOWERS, I SAID NO FLOWERS”… god what I wouldn’t give to jump through the television and stab him continuously with a dull knife until his intestines come out… but enough about me. Cersei is still mad about Margaery being all, Margaery and wants to know what Joff thinks of his future Queen. He sees their marriage as a way for him to be even more evil than he already is… the people love Margaery and with her to console the poor fools, he can wreak even more havoc. Cersei keeps trying to get some feelings from her nasty little twerp of a son but he’s bored with the conversation. She outwardly says she thinks Margaery is scheming against him… being paranoid she might actually believe this… oh Cersei, I’m pretty sure she’s scheming against YOU, but not dear Joff. “Intelligent women do what they’re told,” is his response. Cersei, do me a favor, take your right hand, extend it over your left should and give yourself a little pat on the back- that right there, that little prick of a son, that’s all yours. When we see Joff again, he’s playing with his new crossbow and chatting with Margaery. He brings up Renly and accuses her of being, “at the bed side of a traitor”. Treading very lightly, she manages to give Joffrey enough information to protect herself without appearing too intelligent or insightful. She outs Renly, explaining he wasn’t interested in women and would never have sex with her. The one time they almost did, after he had imbibed quite a lot, he suggested to do, “something very painful that couldn’t possibly result in children”. Joffrey is disgusted, “I’ve considered making his perversion punishable by death” (clearly Joff’s a conservative!). Margaery manages to distract by being interested in the crossbow which results in a scene that I believe was meant to be sexy, though anyone that thinks Joffrey is sexy should be shot, preferably with the crossbow. Margaery wants to hold the cross bow and delights Joff by saying she would love to kill something and would he like to watch her. Cersei may very well have met her match.
Jon Snow: Jon is trekking along with Mance and the crew, where he is getting a history lesson. Mance recounts how he convinced all the tribes to unite, including the cave people, but telling them they were all going to die if they don’t go South… which may be true because… all together now… Winter is coming. They happen upon a warg, a man who is able to share a mind with animals, particularly birds. Here comes Ygritte, snarking “what, you never met a warg?” NO BITCH! I so wanted Jon to spin of his booted heel, grab her by the arm and shout, “NO! I’VE NEVER SEEN A F****** WARG, OR A GIANT, OR SLEPT WITH A WOMAN, NOW LEAVE ME THE F*** ALONE!” Alas, that only happened in my mind.
Arya Stark: FINALLY!!!!!!!! Hot Pie is doing nothing important and Gendry is asking why she didn’t use her three death wishes to kill off someone important (we asked the same question last year) like Joffrey or Tywin Lannister. They are interrupted by a band of travelers, one of which is singing the Lannister anthem. After a short standoff, we learn these strangers, headed by Thoros of Myr are members of a group called Brotherhood Without Banners. They grab the kids, but take them for dinner, nothing weird. Arya is only interested in getting the hell out of there and when the men laugh at her bragging about her sword-fighting abilities, she draws her weapon. Thoros knocks it aside immediately, this made me sad. I had high hopes Arya would be deadly with Needle. Thoros says he’s going to set them free, not to worry, when his men arrive with a captor. It’s THE HOUND! Arya sends Gendry and Hot Pie out the door and tries to make a sneaky run for it, but she’s recognized by The Hound who outs her as, “the Stark bitch”. Oh great.
Jamie Lannister & Brienne of Tarth: Brienne is still dragging Jaime along through the forest where as you will recall she is to trade him for Arya and Sansa. Jaime is antagonizing her as usual and he realizes she was in love with Lord Renly. In my head I thought, well she looks like a man so it might have worked out… Jaime makes a comment that sent me to hysterics, “We don’t get to choose who we love”, right because you are in love with your sister…gross. They come across a man on his way to Riverrun to pay his respects to Lady Stark’s father. Jaime suggests she kill him because he must recognize the Kingsslayer, but Brienne will not murder an innocent. They continue on their journey and Jaime gets the drop on Brienne, taking one of her two swords. She handles the Kingslayer great and an awesome fight scene ensues! I’m almost convinced she will actually win the fight…then… several horsemen arrive, men from House Bolton. They know Jaime’s identity and pay off the farmer who spotted them earlier. Jaime was right, Brienne should have killed him.